In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
