I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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