I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They have beer where we have blood.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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