You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
