i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
