Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
