sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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