Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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