I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
