You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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