Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
