My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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