his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
