you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
