I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
