I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
