K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
