I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
