I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
