I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
