Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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