So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
