I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
