Non-Jews are for practice
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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