I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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