Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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