3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
