Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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