i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pappa wants mamma naked
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
