You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
