Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
