watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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