hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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