I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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