no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
did you just send me my own nude
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
