toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
