I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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