Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
