Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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