So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
