We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
