I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
