Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
