11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
