Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
