Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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