Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
