Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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