I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
