My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we're making bets on your personal life
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
