end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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