she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
